


get that cash if it's 9 to 5 that's shaking your ass

by putsch



Series: Seijoh Sex Shop AU [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Sex Shop, Challenge: Sports Anime Shipping Olympics | SASO 2015, Fisting, Lingerie, M/M, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-29
Updated: 2015-07-29
Packaged: 2018-04-11 21:59:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4453919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/putsch/pseuds/putsch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes work on a Saturday isn't so bad after all.</p><p>(a remix of atharaigas's <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/4276809">working nine to five (what a way to make a living)</a> for SASO 2015)</p>
            </blockquote>





	get that cash if it's 9 to 5 that's shaking your ass

**Author's Note:**

> i could be ashamed about those tags but i'm not, not at all. meet me in hell bitches.
> 
> (yes, the title is missy eliot)

**i. sugawara is not a rapper**

Saturdays were gawker days.

There was no escaping it either - once word spread about the store and they got popular, of course people would come down just to browse and check it out like some a tourist attraction. No matter how hard Oikawa tried, the influx of people never translated into an influx in sales.

If anything, Iwaizumi spent more time by the exit looking threatening to make sure people didn't just straight up steal their shit.

It almost meant none of their regulars showed up on Saturday, which was a shame, all four of them could use the distraction.

This Saturday is going along no different, Hanamaki's warnings on using the wrong kind of lube falling on deaf ears and Iwaizumi rearranging boxes of candy lingerie, when a new somebody with silky gray hair walks through the door.

All eyes were quickly trained on the newbie, because let's face it, he was _pretty_. Matsukawa's eyes snap up from the counter, and he knows Hanamaki and Iwaizumi are staring from not too far off. He's staring at the warped teal dildo with wide, unsuspecting eyes, like he's not sure if it's horrifying or impressive. Perfect. He stands up to go over.

"Wait." Oikawa stops him with a hand on his shoulder, squinting his eyes. "Let me handle this one."

Matsukawa raises his gorgeous eyebrows, looking at the new guy and back at Oikawa. Usually Oikawa was more than okay with letting Matsukawa strut over and fluster up the virgins, but if Oikawa saw something else in this guy, he wasn't going to fight it. At the end of the day, he did have the best sense for this kind of thing out of the four of them. With a sigh, he shrugged, and Oikawa lit up as he bounded to the customer.

"Welcome to Purity Toys!" He said with his thousand watt smile, gesturing at the giant, floppy mess beside him. "Don't tell me you're interested in this kind of thing?"

"Hm, no," the guy said, tilting his head to the side, tapping his finger to his chin before giving Oikawa the softest little smile he had ever seen. 

"It looks like it's warped from the last time you used it."

The only thing that drops faster than the boxes in Iwaizumi's hands and Hanamaki and Matsukawa's jaws is the smile off Oikawa's face.

 

(Sugawara, as they learn, becomes the highlight of their weekend that fateful Saturday. 

Matsukawa has a field day with him, discussing the perks of silk as the best fabric type for lingerie. Hanamaki likes him because he laughs at his stupid vibrator jokes and seems to get just as much a kick out of the gag gifts as he does. Iwaizumi feels all but ready to propose any time he comes up with a well placed burn on Oikawa to shut him up.

Oikawa, begrudgingly, respects the guy, but really wishes he would stop being so goddamn refreshing and stealing his friends.

At least he actually buys things.)

 

**ii. sugar and spice and some things nice**

It's a few weeks later before they see Sugawara again, but this time, he doesn't come alone.

"Suga, are you sure about this..."

"And here I thought you were the one who was strong of heart, Daichi."

"Hey, I'm the one inside aren't I?"

Sugawara sighs, glancing outside. "Fair enough."

"Ohoho!" Oikawa slides over, eyes gleaming at this nervous new addition at Sugawara's side, Hanamaki and Matsukawa not far off. "And what do we have here, hm? Trouble in paradise?"

Sugawara tucks a few stray hairs behind his ear. "No, nothing new, Daichi," he turns away from Oikawa, "Stay here, _I'll_ get Asahi."

"Are you sure, I mean--"

Sugawara shoots the poor guy a look that could melt steel and he shuts up real quick, and just like that he's out the door, leaving Daichi all by his lonesome surrounded by four very bored sex shop employees and more toys than you could shake a stick at.

Oikawa is grinning ear to ear, all predatory teeth. "Well then! How about I help you find whatever you need, hmm?"

Despite the faint pink tinting his darker skin, Daichi manages to square his shoulders and shake his head. "No, uh, I think I can find it myself."

"I'll help him." Iwaizumi butts in, shooing the other three away. He knows they won't go far, but Iwaizumi would rather help this poor guy instead of have him toyed with by a bunch of assholes (lord know he's been on the receiving end of that teasing too many times to count). And Daichi visibly relaxes with Iwaizumi there, so that's always a plus. "So what do you need."

"Um. Underwear..."

"C'mon." The way he trails off probably means there's something else, but Iwaizumi's not going to push it. He walks them past the aisle of candy underwear and sex games, down to the display of lingerie. There's everything, from lace to silk to satin, thongs to thigh highs in every imaginable color and size, and no, Iwaizumi is totally not going to laugh at the new blush all over the Daichi's face. He's not Oikawa. "Have you bought stuff like this before?"

"Of course I've bought undewear before." he replies, voice flat, and well, no wonder Sugawara picked out this one to date. Still though, he takes that answer as a no, and plucks a pair that's cream colored cotton lace.

"Start with cotton, it's the most comfortable and--"

"Absolutely not, do you see those thighs, give that man silk right now."

Daichi nearly jumps to Matsukawa's full height, who had somehow appeared right behind Iwaizumi looking so offended you'd think someone had punched his mother in broad daylight. Iwaizumi just groans, trying not to roll his eyes.

"If he wants silk he can get it, I'm just saying cotton's the best to start with." he shrugs and adds, "Besides, I wear cotton."

Matsukawa's offense suddenly mixes with shock, horror, and disgust, eyes growing wider than Iwaizumi has ever seen them. "No."

Iwaizumi smirks, feeling suddenly smug as he pulls down the hem of his jeans just enough to show off the black fabric clinging to his hips. "What, you gonna do something about it?"

 

(That night, when Iwaizumi is manhandled flat against the bed under long, toned arms, watching Matsukawa leave sloppy kisses down his abs until he can tear that underwear off with his teeth hard enough that the sound of ripping fabric echos off the walls, leaving Iwaizumi hard and leaking against his own stomach, he makes a mental note to buy many, _many_ more pairs of cotton underwear.)

 

**iii. big buff cheeto puff, enter stage right**

Sugawara doesn't come back with this Asahi character for ten minutes, who looks like the blood in his veins can't decide if it wants to drain his face in horror or fill it out of embarrassment.

Since Matsukawa is otherwise occupied, Hanamaki takes it upon himself to do the silly greeting, full out flaunting the sexy police uniform he's got on and twirling fuzzy handcuffs around one gloved finger. "Welcome to Purity Toys! Remember to behave you two, I'd hate to see you under arrest." Hanamaki clasps one of the cuffs around Asahi's wrist and gives a big sultry wink.

This turns out to be a huge mistake when the giant man starts _crying._

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry we will oh my god _Suga--!!"_

 

**iv. the wildcard, part deux**

Although Yahaba was best known by the unsuspecting photo of him on the wall next to his favorite brand of dildos, it didn't mean he only came to the store to fill his collection of dick shaped things. There are things that go with having such a collection, like lube and cleaning products, the list goes on.

However the thing they're starting to notice is the way he eyes them.

Especially Iwaizumi, as Oikawa starts to realize.

It's not like the four of them aren't used to it - dozens of men and women size them up every time they work their shifts, they are lovely young men who own the most popular sex shop north of Tokyo, and it's unlikely that at least one of them hasn't figured out that all four of them regularly fuck each other.

But the way Yahaba looks at them is a little intimidating. Maybe it's the fact they all know exactly what Yahaba likes to spend his money on, or the way he's so calm all the time in the store regardless of how much any of them try to rile him up. It shouldn't be grating, and it wouldn't be if the guy stuck to his normal schedule of coming and going - but no, Yahaba starts coming more often, picking up little things here and there. It feels like an excuse.

When he comes back a third time in so many weeks, Oikawa has had it up to _here._

"Yahaba-chan~" Oikawa's voice is noticeably thin, "What brings you back here so soon?"

Yahaba rolls his eyes, as if he's more exasperated at Oikawa's attitude than intimidated, but he can't hide the nerves in his voice and Oikawa picks up on it instantly. "I'm just looking, thank you."

"Hm, sure you are."

Yahaba says nothing, and Oikawa lets him go, but he keeps watching as Yahaba meanders through the aisles like he hasn't been her several times, like he isn't looking back at Iwaizumi who is dealing with customers at the register. Whatever is going to happen, it's going to happen now, whether it's him or Makki or Mattsun who has to push it.

None of them have to though, once the other group is out the door with their purchase. Yahaba goes up to Iwaizumi easily, even though he has nothing in his hands, like all three of them aren't watching his every move.

"Um, Iwaizumi-san?"

"Oh, hey." Iwaizumi looks up from the computer, "What can I help you with?"

"I actually had a question for you." Yahaba takes a deep breath, and stares very obviously at Iwaizumi's well crafted forearms.

"Have you ever fisted anyone before?"

 

 

to: takahiro  
i cant fucking sleep

to: issei  
are u texting me in our own apartment  
i swear to god

to: takahiro  
HES INTO FISTING

to: issei  
GODDAMMITJG I WAS S O CLOSE TO BLOCKING IT OUT

to: takahiro  
ALL I CAN HEAR IS HIS VOICE AND OIKAWA SHRIEKING

to: issei  
I HATE YOU

**Author's Note:**

> turning yahaba shigeru into yahaba SINgeru one ass joke at a time
> 
> also all i can imagine is when suga burns oikawa is just [this](https://38.media.tumblr.com/381e56140ada00102b71fc5be2765d9e/tumblr_inline_ns6m0ynE7U1qb7boq_500.gif)


End file.
